April 19th

Its 1215H and the bell starts ringing.. “damn.. its Sunday, leave me alone..” I was lying on my bed.. and then I heard a voice “come on, wake up.. its time for lunch!”
“..yea, rite~” so i left my room and looked at the clock.. its about 15mins from 1230H.. “I still have time” so I laid myself on the couch and closed my eyes..

“hey, go get urself a shower, you stinky brat!” I heard a voice again.. but I was too lazy to move my ass.. it was Pejal, my housemate..
Pejal: I said go get yourself a shower, stupid! Its for your own good..
Me:hurm..
For my own good? Since when he became so concerned about me.. even he himself always left the house without taking a shower for lunch every time he becomes so lazy.. and im still lazy to move myself.. or even open my eyes..

Then I remembered about my clothes in the washing machine.. I forgot to hang them so I rushed to the back..
Pejal: finally..
I took my shower and felt quite refreshing.. “pejal got a point.. he’s right.. its for my own good” it was a really hot sunny day by the way..

Then I went for lunch.. pejal asked me;
Pejal: you weren’t on the phone with your girl this morning.. not as usual.. what happened?
Me: its Sunday.. im sure she’s still on her bed.. let her be.. she can only rest on Sundays..
An other friend: so, you guys just talk on working days eh? But not on weekdays.. *giggles
Me: not exactly, stupid!

She did called a few times n text me.. but she told me that she had an appointment with her doctor.. I don’t want to bother.. so, I went online, checking on my fb & fs.. reading birthday wishes from my friends and even strangers.. lol.. I never thought that they still remember my birthday since I was busy with my world and often forget to wish their birthdays..

Pejal came.. “hey, afiq said sergeant called you.. probably about your claim on medical equipment..
“-Oh, what is it this time”
So I shaved my beard.. but pejal asked me to have a game of football video game first until afiq confirmed it..

So we played until pejal received a call..
Pejal:ok, lets go..
Me: lets finish the game first..
Pejal: ok2
Then we walked to the ops room, but on the way, pejal told me to get in the social club first..
Me: wtf?
At first, I was thinking of ignoring him and just move to the ops room instead.. but maybe its ok to follow him.. I stepped into the social club and then………………


I saw to figures on the couch looking at me..
“who are they?”
……
”They look familiar..
……
“Why they look just like my gurl and her brother?”
……
“Yes, they are..”
……
“What are they doing here?”
……
“Why is the cake on the table?”
……

I was confused.. and it was a surprise from my girl.. WOAW~
Nothing like this ever happened in my life before.. then my friends came.. before I cut the cake, me n my girl received a video call.. it was from my family.. damn, they planned it together.. my friends, my family, and my gurl.. and yes, she was the mastermind.. lol.. so we had fun.. and I’m 22.. *sigh*

Baby, thanx for the surprise.. dat was so.. sweeettt.. and thanx from coming all the way from ipoh fer me.. I love you so much..
thanx, nur izzati bt muhd nadzri

-Stockholm Syndrome-

I won't stand in your way
Let your hatred grow
And she'll scream and she'll shout and she'll pray
And she had a name
Yeah she had a name

I won't hold you back
Let your anger rise
And we'll fly and we'll fall and we'll burn
No one will recall
No one will recall

This is the last time I'll abandon you
And this is
The last time I'll forget you
I wish I could

Look to the stars
Let hope burn in your eyes
And we'll love and we'll hate and we'll die
All to no avail
All to no avail

This is the last time I'll abandon you
And this is
The last time I'll forget you
I wish I could

This is the last time
I'll abandon you
And this is
The last time I'll forget you
I wish I could
I wish I could

-untitled-

im speechless..
i cant think of the words to say..
it was a bad day for both of us..
tommy's gone n ive ceated a trouble..

being in her place must've been hard..
but i hope dat she could survive..

WTF?

ipoh, 9 MAC

aku lepak sorang2 kat taman depan stesen keretapi ipoh sambil smoking..
pastu tibe2 datang sorang pakcik dalam umur 40-50an..

Pakcik: Hai

Aku angkat tangan kat die..

Pakcik: Ramai orang india mabuk la depan tu.. risau pakcik..

Aku: Ouh..

Tanpa dipelawa, pakcik tu duduk sebelah aku..

Pakcik: buat ape sini?

Aku: saje je lepak.. tak boleh tidur.. tidur kat hotel tu malam ni..

Pakcik: oh.. belajar lagi?

Aku: a'ah.. pakcik kerje ape?

Pakcik: kerje dekat pejabat peguam

Aku: pakcik lawyer la eh?

Pakcik: boleh la

Aku: ouh.. dulu saye ingat nak study law jugak

then kitorg sembang pasal lawyer

Aku: last time saye datang ipoh ni, saye terlantar kat hospital sebab kaki saye patah

Pakcik: ouh.. mane yang patah?

pakcik tu picit2 kaki aku.. then kitorg sembang pasal jenayah pulak

Pakcik: dulu kat sini ade dua org strangers tu mule2 baik je sembang sampai macam ni

sambil letak tangan atas bahu aku

Pakcik: tapi lepas tu salah sorang kluarkan pisau mintak duit

Aku: ouh..

Pakcik: malam makin sejuk ni.. kalau kene dakap sedap jugak

Aku: ok la pakcik.. makin sejuk ni.. saye nak naik dulu.. nanti risau esok lambat bangun pulak terlepas bas..

pakcik tu hulur tangan nak salam..

Pakcik: saye naim

Aku: syahmin

Pakcik: tidur sorang kan kat bilik.. perlukan teman dakap tak? sejuk ni..

Aku: erk.. takpe lah..

Pakcik: Nak pakcik dakap x? sejuk2 ni sedap kene dakap..

Aku: .....

then aku blah dari situ.. gile punye gay.. dah tuwe2 pun.. patut la aku prasan kat kaunter tiket keretapi, die asyik usha aku je..

-the PAST-

Wednesday,31st December

Penang, 1 hour before the clock hits 12,

its fun to be out of the fuckin military college
where finally there will be no rules
we were having fun.. enjoying ourselves..
we know its everything we want

tomorrow

finally.. tomorrow i will get my ass out of kedah..
away to KL for an appointment at the I.A.M. RMAF KL base..

i still remember after SPM, me and fizree applied for MAS cadet,
the passion came when someone from pahang department of blah.. blah.. blah..
keep calling me captain syahmin (an aircraft captain) when he was briefing
SMART student of my age..

but then 1 day i read this advertisement of joining the military pilot..
at first i was not interested.. but then my aunt really urged to try..
so i applied.. being in military was not something on my mind.. i rather be in police department since i was active in police cadet back in my school days..

so i went to the interview for 10 days.. i survived n i did it..
i went back to kuantan n think about the offer.. being in military?
can i make it? will i survive? damn it.. it was really an important decision..
the decision that will lead the path of the rest of my life..
do i really want to be in military? actually not..

but my family seems excited that i passed the interview..
so i think its ok.. i would do it for them.. for my family..
so on 28th may 2008, i left kuantan for alor star..
start a new chapter of my life..
kuantan..
where i was born and raised for nearly 18 years..
n finally i left the town..

on 070605.. ive sworn to be a soldier, to protect the country..
which means i cant leave the service..
but then my sis revealed that they hid the offer from matric & uitm (law) from me so dat i wont turn back on my decision..
she also revealed that i got the offer from MAS after ive sworn to be in the military.. DAMN!

my squad, diploma cadet officers class of 2008..
59 bloody cadet officers with 1 aim - to become an RMAF aviator
we've been through lots of pain & joy..
creating comradeship among us..
changed the way we think.. learned to survive in pain..
working under pressure..

in order to become a military pilot..
a personnel must get through the survival course..
as like a license to get to the no.1 flying training centre..

so i got my left tibia fractured during the survival course..
i kept thinking are they going to discharge me?
kick me out from the air force..
they didnt.. but they are going to send me to I.A.M
to checked whether im still fit for flying..

if not.. they would change me to other traits..
probably as a management officer, a logistic officer
or an air traffic controller..

which means not a pilot.. so.. i think its ok as long as she's still going to accept me.. im going to be an officer anyway.. a job.. but the passion in flying is still there..

so tomorrow i will start my journey to kl..
do pray for me k..

*I.A.M. = institue of aviation medical
*SMART = SEK MEN keb ABDUL RAHMAN TALIB
*im writing this while on d'phone with my gurl so pardon the language..
huhuh..

this morning

this morning i woke up at 5.50am..
i can still hear her breathing on the phone..
i tried to wake her up to tell i must leave for breakfast..
she didnt answer.. nearly 6am so i rushed to the assembly field
before 6 so dat i wont be punished for being late..

after breakfast i ran back to my room..
she was still on the phone.. i tried to wake her up
but there was no reaction.. so i ended the call..
and call her again hoping the ringtone could wake her up..
but it failed no matter how many times i tried..

i called her house..
still there was no ansewer from anyone..
what the hell is going on?
is it my fault for letting her fell asleep?
damn it.. shouldve stayed much longer..