this morning

this morning i woke up at 5.50am..
i can still hear her breathing on the phone..
i tried to wake her up to tell i must leave for breakfast..
she didnt answer.. nearly 6am so i rushed to the assembly field
before 6 so dat i wont be punished for being late..

after breakfast i ran back to my room..
she was still on the phone.. i tried to wake her up
but there was no reaction.. so i ended the call..
and call her again hoping the ringtone could wake her up..
but it failed no matter how many times i tried..

i called her house..
still there was no ansewer from anyone..
what the hell is going on?
is it my fault for letting her fell asleep?
damn it.. shouldve stayed much longer..

today..

this morning i called her..
she told me she feels quite unwell..
so i told her not to go for work..
but later around 8 she said the human resource department just called..
so she had to go to the damn factory anyway..

n i was sleeping in the class during other groups' presentation..
until break, i called her.. she said she was planning on going back home..
everything seemed ok.. we laughed.. n her voice wuz like she's doing fine..

i had to go back to class so we sms..
planning on our date.. where can we meet.. n when..
until i fell asleep when i returned to tmn siswa..

been sleeping for more than 4 hours..
n when i woke up.. i recieved 17 misscalls..
but texted her saying im sorry n i had to go for dinner..
when i returned to my room.. i recieved offline messages from neex
asking where was i? her friend been calling me..

neex told me she fainted at her work place..
her nose was bleeding n now she's hospitalized..
so i called her but there was no answer..

until now im waiting for any news from neex..
i hope she's recovering.. n everything will be just fine..
n i can hear her voice again..

perhaps it was my fault for not doing my best to stop her when she was trying to ruin her life.. i was there like her diary listening to stories of her life..
i shouldve make her happy from beginning.. n have the guts to tell her my real feelings to her.. but i was afraid.. n it was stupid..
i just watched when she exchanged those fat guys without stopping her..

if only i had the strength from beginning, maybe i could prevent this from happen..
but i was blind.. so damn blind to see.. shit..
i just want to be with her..
i still remember the day i broke up with my ex..
i said its ok because i still have my soul mate by my side..
but if she's disappear too.. i dont know what to do..
probably going to end up losing my direction..

so bby,
get well soon..
i need u..
so bad..

If I Am

So your standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall.
So far down,
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.
Now you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
Im not content to crawl...
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I want to be with you forever,
If tommorows not too late...

But its always too late when youve got nothing
So you say...
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,
Before the sun rises today...
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down...
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down...

So your walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall.
But youre so far gone,
That you dont see the hands upheld to catch you.
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that youve been handed
For though you cannot fly,
Youre not content to crawl...
And its always too late when youve got nothing
So you say...
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,
Before the sun rises...

If I am
Another waste of everything you hoped for,
I will let you down...
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down...
So youre standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...

If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down...
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down...

The answers we find,
Are never what we had in mind.
So we make it up as we go along...
You dont talk of dreams,
I wont mention tommorow.
And we wont make those promises that we cant keep...
I will never leave you..
I will not let you down..
I will never leave you..
I will not let you down..

Feb 20th

it's 30 mins past 12.. been a month since she became mine.. i called but there was no answer.. it makes me even more worry of whats going on.. i didnt sleep last night.. i was there with her.. listening to every single words she said.. shes unwell.. her health condition.. she was crying because of her pain.. i wish i could be there with her.. take a good care of her.. but my life stuck in a place where rules are everything.. everything should be done in proper way.. damn i hate rules when the rules is the thing been keeping me away from her.. i wish i could become invisible and appear in her town.. her house.. by her side.. even in her sleep, i can tell she was struggling with her pain.. if only i could find the right elixir for her.. whatever its takes.. whatever it costs.. but still.. i believe the pain is just temporary.. soon it will be gone and my juliet will have a happy life by my side till the end of our lives..

-25 things-

1) im missing my hometown
2) i hope that i could graduate by june
3) im a bloody RMAF cadet officer
4) aviation is my current obsession
5) ive lost my mobile phone last 2 months
6) im a big fan of final fantasy series
7) currently studying in air force college, alor star (dip in mech aeronautic eng)
8) taken n madly in luv with nur izzati bt muhd nadzri
9) currently using my old nokia n-gage QD with 3 different sim cards
10) currently following naruto & bleach manga & anime
11) not quite friendly, its hard for me to start a conversation with strangers
12) i can sleep anywhere at anytime
13) got my left tibia fractured when i went for survival course, last june
14) AB blood type
15) im so not into politics
16) i hate sore throat!
17) i miss involving with sports n enjoying the game
18) spent 4-5 months walking with crutches (but i received special care from airlines stewardess though.. huhuhu)
19) taylor swift - love story reminds me of her
20) my fate will be decided on feb 24th at institute of aviation medic, kl
21) i sing negaraku everyday
22) doraemon comic was the 1st reading material i read in my life
23) been collecting transformers figures
24) family 1st!
25) my priority is to make her happy no matter what

-Turn Back the Pendulum-

HE

He's been thinking.. What if he just burst out the words.. tell her what she feels about her.. But he was afraid.. afraid that he might lose her forever.. All he ever wanted was for them to be together.. Being together as she's the last for him.. He really hopes that he could reach her hand and she would pull him out of the dark side of loneliness.. To him, she's the only one left for him.. like a diary where he could share the misery life of chasing his uncertain future.. She gave him the fuel that he needed to burn and accelerate.. Make him laugh and happy.. but things have changed since she was taken by a monster who keeps her trapped in a prison of promises.. he really feels he's losing her.. day after day.. she's getting far and far away..

SHE

She seems happy with her new guy.. He fills all her needs.. and do so much things that even he would be out of hands..


so he tells himself that maybe she has found the right person for her.. initially, she never complained.. praised her new guy like he was the one.. the one who cured her with his own elixir.. she's been hurt for far too long.. and as her diary, he knows how deep the wound is and how painful it was when her trust was betrayed by the one she considered her other half..

but now she seems so happy.. happy with her new life.. he knows it is not right to burst out those words.. so he keeps his mouth shut.. for its the better way he could still be with her.. keeping those words in silence..

2 stories..

been awhile since the last time i wrote.. probably quite busy since the new semester have started.. yea its my last semester.. yay!~ cant wait to get my ass outta here..

so.. i wanna tell u guys 2 stories bout friendship n lurve.. (sial.. adekah aku sudah bertukar menjadi seorang mat bunge?? tidak!)


1st story:
i read this story somewhere..
its about a guy n a gurl..
they were friends since little..
best friends..
until the time when they grew up..
this guy keeps a feeling to the gurl..
but he didn't know how to tell her..
and he was afraid that he might
ruin things up..
so he just keep his mouth shut..

1 day
the guy met the gurl and about to tell her his feelings..
but the gurl said she had something to tell him..
she said, she's already taken by another guy
so the guy said.. as a best friend, hes supporting their relationship

few months later
the guy couldn't take it anymore
he luvs this gurl so much
n he really need to tell her
he was afraid of losing her
so he went to her
but the gurl gave him a card
it was a wedding invitation
the gurl was about to marry that other guy
so the guy said he's happy for her

1 day, the gurl died..
the guy went to her funeral..
and he found her diary
it was written:

1 jan:
i told him that i have a relationship with another guy.. and he was ok..
has he not feel the same way i feel bout him? i love him more than just friends..
but he didnt mind at all.. he probably never love me the way i love him

20 nov:
i gav him my wedding card and i was really hoping that he would try to stop it or at least tell me that he luvs me but he didnt

all right now lets get to the 2nd story

2nd story

this guy knw this gurl through mirc..
and she was a friend of a friend of him..
they became close.. n closer..
before becoming best friends..

he kept all of her secrets..
deepest n darkest..
this guy was about to tell her that he likes her..
but a friend of him took her away after knowing about it..
"what a regret to tell him"- said that guy

so.. the guy found another gurl
n the gurl was with another guy
but they still contacting each other
sharing all their stories.. their probs.. their joy..
even when she got her hand fractured..
few years later the guy had her leg fractured too..

but later the guy was dumped by his gurl..
n his best friend, the gurl also left his guy
so the guy said.. this is probably the right time..
but he was afraid that he might jeopardize their friendship..
so he let it be.. n waited for the right time to tell her

but before the time comes..
the gurl told him dat she's with someone new..
he pretended he was ok but actually he was not..
so he said, as a best friend, he will support her relationship..
so he keep being a good listener to her..
bout everything.. even her relationship though its painful..

but 1 day..
the gurl suddenly said she wanted to be his..
so the guy thought she was joking..
until 1 day when she was crying..
n she said she couldnt take it anymore..
the guy was touched.. n finally he can tell her..
tell her dat he luvs her without hesitation anymore..
it used to be "i luv u, buddy.."
bt now the word buddy is no longer needed..
and they end up becoming an item..
and the couple live happily ever after

my best friend, my soulmate partner n my luv

-THE END-
clap.. clap..